My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
