I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
