I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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