I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
