I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
