You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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