I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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