i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
