after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
