the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
