He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
