Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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