new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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