Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
