I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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