The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
