i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
