opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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