I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
