Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
