is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
