Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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