Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
