That's when you crack a 10am beer
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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