Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
