i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
