Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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