Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
