she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
