I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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