If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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