He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
