i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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