The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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