So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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