What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
