I can't breathe out the right side of my face
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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