It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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