she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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