I need help removing her.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
