i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
