Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
