they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
