So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
