You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
