I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
