Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
