is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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