So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
