im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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